fked

today suddenly last minute acting band major and honorary secretary

had to run up and down..

and i really screwed it up..

i had to stop countless number of times just to take attendance for sec 1s.

why are their names so hard to read!

wasted whole band's time instead..

sian...

though i feel that i'm more familiar with the song pieces..

i am unable to play in front of audiences.

today had sectionals with sir, was very effective.

until regan they all came, i can't play well,

i was shivering,

my tone broke,

i mispitched,

i can't breathe.

how am i supposed to last thru 13 songs.. with 800 audiences looking at us.

and having the feeling of someone watching how you struggle thru the little bits here and there,

and seeing you giving up secretly,

and simply just, looking at your fretful face.

..i am scared.. i am scared... i am very ,..very scared...

god, .. i want this concert to be successful.. i want my first and last concert (with seniors) to be a fruitful one..

i dont want to receive flowers and gifts for the lousy playing.

so what if trumpet section can learn fast according to sir,

so what if alumni are helping us,

so what if we're wearing such smart attires,

so what if we have beautiful song pieces,

so what?

are we up to the standard?

(no)

do we feel the sense of urgency?

(i dont know.)

can we make it?

you tell me.