I'm not enough for myself.

Yo mayonnaise! Right.. That came out weird. Hmm..Prelim's over and its time for Chinese O preparation. Every night, when i lay down on my bed, i wondered if i've had used my time wisely. & the fact that i have only a short period of 18 days left leaves me jittery all over. I gotta be frank though. I hadn't been revising chinese for quite a while. Well, to be more specific, since the last chinese paper. Sigh. Really hope i can be a little bit more disciplined. But of course, i need to do something about myself..sigh.

Brittani & Hannah

Brittani is awesome! :D I love her!

Anyway.. i just caught 3 episodes of america's next top model. Inspiring but hurting cause i'll just get reminded that i'm just an Asian. I will never have those pair of blue glassy eyes, those strong bone face structure and any other aspects that Asians don't have. I'm not being racist.. Asians are just as beautiful too.. but i don't know ... i just don't like being me, physically. I look like a dead swelling gold fish. My eyes are so dull looking and i feel like my skin's not breathing enough and its really aging. And i can sense that my body is slowly transforming to the attributes of a typical Singaporean Auntie. I can feel this heaviness around my neck and my thighs. Sigh. you might say its puberty and i'm growing and i don't have to worry about all these cause they'll just go away. Who knows? i might eventually have a permanent double chin or a pair of pig trotters and a donut waist. Eeks! I'm not over reacting but i totally sensitive to these kinda things. Looks are the first priority of a woman. And for somebody like me, who dreamed about being a model when she was young, who did her research on skincare for almost 4 years..and whose keen on being a dermatologist when she grows up? I'm not okay with these changes in my body.

I WANT TO BE BEAUTIFUL